We aren’t always happy to get clarity
Sometimes all we can ask for is clarity.
But clarity doesn’t always make the “clear choice” easy to make. Many times we are not going to be happy with the answer.
Occasionally a client has said to me “If I only had clarity…. I’ve been asking, but I’m just not getting an answer.” And I’ve had to say “I think you already got an answer – you just didn’t like what you heard.”
Sometimes we think we’re asking for guidance when what we’re really doing is asking for affirmation, agreement, or permission to do what we want.
As a joke, I often reference a Simpsons episode where, after offering a highly self-serving prayer before bed, Homer says “If that is OK, please give me absolutely no sign. (Pause.) OK, deal. In gratitude, I present you this offering of cookies and milk – if you want me to eat them for you, give me no sign. (Almost no pause whatsoever.) Thy will be done.” (He eats them.)
We can also make the mistake of attaching a caveat – ok, I’ll do this, but it will result in money, love, a big promotion at work, or some other reward for good behavior, right? The other version of this unilateral bargaining strategy is to evaluate it after the fact based on how it turned out. If we didn’t get a desirable outcome, we question whether that was what we were actually supposed to do.
The best approach I have come across so far is this: Guidance or clarity about an issue is not a guarantee that you will be thrilled with the result. And it’s not a negotiation or a way to work the system to maximize your payoff. It is an indication that this particular choice or direction is what is intended for you. It’s saying this option you are considering belongs to your path; it’s in alignment with the work you came here to do.
We must keep in mind however that not everything that is scheduled to show up on our path is there to make us instantly happy. Each thing is there to help us grow and deepen, to know ourselves better, and give us a fuller experience of who we truly are.
The significant events in our lives are designed to reveal and clarify aspects of our spirit with which we are not yet acquainted. That is the real clarity we are being offered.
This is the kind of spiritual terrain that I help people navigate. If your spirit is prompting you to have a conversation like this, I encourage you to get in touch with me.