The Spiritual Role of Conflict in Relationships
Many times when there is conflict in a relationship, our instinct is to avoid it or try to make it go away. Sometimes we think we've handled the problem, only to see it pop up somewhere else in a different form. Approaching conflict from a spiritually conscious point...
Are you willing to seem weird?
What would you be if you weren't a Goal-Oriented person? That's one way to start to understand what a Process-Oriented person is. In other words, what would you be if you weren’t the person we're all raised in some way to be: the thing our culture understands and...
The Last Thing My Mother Taught Me
My mother died very recently and I'm having a remarkably different experience than I've had before, and I want to share part of it with you. I'm not going to focus on how I got here, partly because I'm not completely sure. A lot of the spiritual growth work I do both...
The F Word
A while ago I was listening to an interview with a top executive coach. He was asked what CEOs' #1 obstacle was, and to my surprise, he identified their top issue as fraudulence. But I shouldn't have been surprised. Why would they be any different from the rest of us?...
Sergeant Schultz: Spiritual Teacher
So here's something I've been noticing a lot lately: the power of saying "I don't know." When you are engaged in a process that takes you into the unknown, you will be confronted with many decision points. Uncertainty can feel weak and mysterious. It's difficult to...
Life Hangs in the Balance
It is almost impossible to ignore that we use an “extreme /mega /to the max” mentality to sell ourselves almost everything these days. The adrenaline rush experience is compelling and attractive to us. It's also one of the primary ways we use to lose touch with our...
The Tool of “Trouble” in Our Lives (Guest Post)
Last week I wrote this post about the relationship between risk and freedom. As I was working on it I kept thinking of my friend, Ted Grace. Since he is both a spiritual seeker and has been a Risk Management professional for over 30 years, I have always thought he was...
The Skyrocketing Cost of Free
In the wake of all the events surrounding the Boston Marathon I was reminded of a truism that in general we find very hard to come to terms with: With freedom comes risk. They are inextricably linked. One is the price you pay for the other. This is true whether you...
I “Know,” But I Don’t “Know-Know.” Y’know?
Dale has been invited to make an important sales presentation. Normally he is very confident about his skills and his ability to get results. This time for some reason he finds himself worrying about how this prospective client will respond to him. His track record...
My path doesn’t show up on the GPS
When Daisy needs to make an important decision she doesn’t weigh the pros and cons or try to calculate which choice makes the most sense. Instead she pays attention to which direction feels right. Her family teases her and treats her like she’s less intelligent...
You Gonna Trust Me or Your Lyin’ Eyes?
So often, when my clients are struggling or stuck, they look at their situation and see no solutions. All they can come up with are bad options, pressure from deadlines, dwindling resources and evidence of their own shortcomings and failures. This, of course, makes...
I Think You’re Me
A while back in a post entitled, "I Think I'm Me," I discussed ways in which we are hurt by our family's inability to see us and give us what we feel we need. If we can get past the unskillful delivery of what they did provide, however, we can receive some of the...
I Think I’m Me
When Amy was small she used to go on about all the things she'd fantasized she was going to be and do when she grew up. To this day she can still hear her parents' voices in her head "Just who do you think you are?" And it still keeps her small. Gene was always...
What’s My Story?
I get some news from a family member. There's a potentially bad outcome developing in a situation we were waiting to hear about. It hasn't happened, but it looks like it might be headed in the wrong direction. I feel my energy shift, my breathing quickens, my chest...
Yes, Mike, More is More. But More of What?
Let's look at how Mike (remember Mike?) can benefit from what we know so far. Mike's Saboteur is trying to show him the habits and beliefs that do not serve his conscious intentions. Unfortunately, like most of us, he has not interpreted the information that way. In...
How Martial Arts, Cold War & the Fight or Flight Instinct Ruin Mike’s Day
This week I want to look back at Mike's case. You can refresh your memory by reviewing it here. Mike's Saboteur works very differently than our previous case, Mary. One way to think of the difference is through the lens of the fight/flight instinct. When Mary is...
Mike’s Saboteur – COME ON DOWN!
I want to look at a version of self-sabotage that is different than the last example. In the previous case Mary knew she was in her own way and didn't fully understand how, why or what to do about it. In Mike's case he does not see himself as the obstacle and is...
Sabotaging Mary’s Saboteur
Now that Mary is starting to get a sense of how the Saboteur works in her case, what can she actually do with this information? First, she can organize the information to help her anticipate, or at least recognize, when and how the Saboteur is likely to attack. For...
Mary’s Saboteur – COME ON DOWN!
It's one thing to understand the basic Saboteur formula: possibility –> go unconscious –> habit –> no responsibility It's quite another to know how to recognize it in your own situation. Let's look at an example to hopefully illustrate how to start to apply...
How to Sabotage Yourself in 4 Easy Steps
At this point I hope you have a pretty good sense of who the Saboteur is and why he (or she) does what he (or she) does. To benefit from the information he (or she) is trying to provide (obstacles and issues you would need to address in order to get to the next...
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